gospel

just for today

/ abby hummel / 3 Comments

It feels like there is so much going on right now! Or maybe it is more accurate to say that my to-do and to-finish list is so long that my blood pressure rises when I think about it all. I actually feel much like I would in the midst of a stressful semester at college, with papers, tests, social commitments, and personal goals pressing heavily on me all at the same time. Of course I know these things will somehow all come together – or that if they don’t, my life won’t fall apart – but they create this sense of burden and obligation over me anyway.

Here is an annotated list of what I’m feeling like I need to get taken care of this summer. I’m not kidding, I have edited some things off this list for the sake of brevity and privacy.

GOALS FOR SUMMER 2011.
have Aaron help replace light fixtures in hall and kitchen
have Aaron help with redoing the whole freaking Kitchen
find art and hang the rest of the wall collage in the hallway, which includes scraping and painting the rest of the frames.
organize yarn collection that quickly spiraled out of control. Probably give some away.
have Aaron get rid of the big computer
have Aaron get rid of his books
get rid of a bunch of my books
OMG how do I have EVEN MORE CLOTHES I NEED TO GIVE AWAY!?? Do the less-cool clothes just asexually reproduce in my closet while I am at work?
Sort piano music
finish mirror collage on fireplace
paint brick fireplace
one more coat of stain on the outside brick
one more coat of paint on the garage door
finish the retaining wall
re-lay the stone walkway in the backyard
toss half the stuff in the linen closet
the laundry room. the garage. Oh my gosh. I know at least half of it is Aaron’s (stuff) too but I don’t know how this stuff spirals out of control so quickly.
sew covers for living room throw pillows
(gift project 1, started)
(gift project 2, planned but not started)
refinish a few places on the trim where it got scratched/dented/scraped
refinish the big dresser in the back room
try to get rid of junk from kitchen… I defs don’t use all my gadgets.
find out how to get important signature on retirement account paperwork
find out how to get my windshield replaced b/c of the crack
paint canvases
have a wine-and-cheese party
repaint some of the deck furniture
find a cheap lounger so I can lay out and work on things while getting a tan in my own back yard.

This is just the things I could write down while sitting here and not looking at anything. Does this make you feel stressed?

Anyway, in the midst of this all  I’ve been thinking so intently about things like “taking it one day at a time” and working on trusting God each day for daily bread, that is, in some way surrendering my innate craving for a preplanned weekly, monthly, yearly “menus” of what God will provide.  Not that I have already achieved these things by any means, but that I recognize the importance of striving for growth here.

Lacking time to record any further insights on this topic, which is hopefully more interesting than my outrageous homeowners to-do-list, here are a few articles and blogs from some great bloggers that have shaped my thoughts about accepting each day from it’s maker:

Wendy writes on Godliness with Contentment.
Ann writes about Hopes and Dreams.
Jen has some guest authors sharing about The Lord’s Prayer, word-by-word “This” and “Day“

sweet will be the flower

/ abby hummel / 1 Comment

It’s a lovely Sunday morning! We’re dogsitting for Chip‘s older brother, Baker, and I must have been a sight to see outside earlier. I filled a thermos of coffee from our french press and grabbed our camera, sure I would find something lovely in the park. Then Baker took me for a walk. I imagined a serene, contemplative morning and I was, instead, juggling a camera, a thermos of coffee, and a large dog that wanted to run when I wanted to be still and stay (or, um, pee all over everything) when I wanted to move.

So the little adventure went differently than I expected, but, of course, the woods were still beautiful. As the landscape displayed spring coming out of the dull grayness of winter, I kept thinking of a hymn from Scotland called “God Moves in  Mysterious Way.”

God moves in a mysterious way, his wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea and rides upon the storm.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take; the clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break with blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense but trust him for his grace;
Behind a frowning providence, he hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast, unfolding ev’ry hour
The bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err and scan his work in vain;
God is his own interpreter and He will make it plain.
– William Cowper

partakers together of (hard) grace

/ abby hummel / 1 Comment

It’s Thursday and I’m still exhausted from my crazy weekend. My dear friend from college, Esther, came out to visit. She drove across 3 states to spend a few days with me and we definitely made the most of the time! As usual, she beat me on our runs despite my significant height advantage and longer leg strides, she overhauled my whole wardrobe with a fashion makeover and we stayed up past the middle of the night talking about the wildest things… just like when we were room-mates at Hillsdale. Except that back then we thought we knew everything. Ha! Thankfully, we have become much wiser and humbler since then.

It’s almost three years since our graduation, and in our grown up lives we have each partaken of so much painful and beautiful grace. I am very grateful for the mutual comfort and encouragement of a friend who is my true partner in accepting and rejoicing in this life of grace, no matter how hard it is or how ungracious I feel.

we both turn twenty-five this spring...whew. what a ride!

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
– Henri Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak.

Esther passed on the book “One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are” by Ann Voskamp, who blogs at http://www.aholyexperience.com.

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

So much of our weekend was full of discussing what Ann says in this book, that our call as Christians is to live in thanksgiving; that all experiences, even the awful and sad ones, are opportunities to draw closer to God; that we miss communion and growth if we ignore our sorrow, but miss beauty and goodness if we think that is all there is; and that we can choose to live a life of full grace, full of gratefulness and in doing so we are blessed.

“I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace…” (Philippians 1:7, esv)

wounds I cannot see

/ abby hummel / 2 Comments

The Incredulity of Saint Thomas (Caravaggio)

The idea of doubt keeps popping up in my thoughts, prayers and conversations lately.  I’m really into “knowing” things. Walking by faith is not one of my strong points. While I am not in the midst of a crisis of overall belief in God, I am often plagued with “littler” doubts about circumstances and purposes and vocations and relationships and finances and health and … so on. I’ve been working through some journals of Henri Nouwen, and I love his comments about the importance of dialogue and community in the midst of doubt. It’s definitely my natural tendency to withdraw from these practices when I am struggling or don’t understand what God is doing. I greatly appreciate the insights recorded by Nouwen here:

Today: feast of St. Thomas the Apostle. During a dialogue homily, two of the monks remarked in different ways that although Thomas did not believe in the resurrection of the Lord, he kept faithful to the community of the apostles. In that community the Lord appeared to him and strengthened his faith. I find this a very profound and consoling thought. In times of doubt or unbelief, the community can “carry you along,” so to speak; it can even offer on your behalf what you yourself overlook, and can be the context in which you may recognize the Lord again.

John Eudes remarked that Dydimus, the name of Thomas, means “twin,” as the Gospel says, and that the fathers had commented that all of us are “two people,” a doubting one and a believing one. We need the support and love of our brothers and sisters to prevent our doubting person from becoming the dominant and destroying our capacity for belief.
– Henri Nouwen “Spiritual Journals: Genesee Diary”

In pursuit of more information about doubt and Thomas, a superficial scan of the gospels brought me to John 14, where Thomas says “Lord, we do not know where you are going.” (vs. 6). Well. I think I just found my life verse!  And like Caravaggio’s striking depiction I included earlier, the gospels recount Thomas’ cry of unbelief, needing to see and touch the wounds of Christ before believing the resurrection. There is a lesson here for me, even though my doubts are not centered around things like Christ’s death, wounds, resurrection, or the existence of God in the first place.

In these small daily doubts, I must keep asking: What does it mean to walk by faith and not by sight? I know it was Christ who said: “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have  believed.” (John 20:29) This is the same thing he says to me. What is to believe God is working just when I can see that? Faith that God is working in circumstances I don’t understand means I might have to embrace things I don’t want to, to rejoice in days that aren’t at all what I would plan for them. But who am I to think I can decide where God works? I am of small account.

Godhead here in hiding, Whom I do adore
Masked by these bare shadows, shape and nothing more
See, Lord, at thy service low lies here a heart
Lost, all lost in wonder at the God thou art.

I am not like Thomas; wounds I cannot see
But can plainly call you Lord and God as he
This faith each day deeper be my holding of
Daily make me harder hope and dearer love
-St. Thomas Aquinas

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.

fire at Slane Hill

/ abby hummel / 3 Comments

I have many reasons to love St. Patrick’s Day. Although my strongest ethnic identity comes from my Finnish grandfather who blessed us with Saunas and Kropsu and loose familial ties to the “Flying Finn” Paavo Nurmi, I can celebrate this day whole-heartedly because I’m about one-quarter Irish. I love beer, corned beef and cabbage. I love the color green. And if it were possible for an annoying little red-haired leprechaun to give me a pot of gold, I would be in favor of that. I do have a kitchen to remodel.

I also love the nerdy and sacred historical basis for this celebration. The exact details are sketchy, but it’s widely accepted that teenage Patrick was kidnapped from his home in Scotland and taken captive to tend sheep for a druid master in Ireland in the 400’s. In the six years (My God! I whine about much shorter trials nearly every day!) of his slavery, he gave his heart over to God in prayer and was so intimately connected to the Lord that he recounted praying at least one hundred times a day in all weather and all circumstances. These circumstances were pretty awful, being kidnapped to live outdoors as a shepherd and enslaved to a druid master.  In his sixth year of captivity, God led him to run away from his captors and he escaped to be with his family again. Happy ending? Not yet. He was then trained as a priest and called to go back to spread Christianity in Ireland. Legend says he dreamed of the people of Ireland calling him to come and preach to them. (This wasn’t the first time someone heard their call to mission in a dream…)  He brought the gospel to the country of Ireland and ministered effectively throughout the land for 28 years, inestimably blessed by a full knowledge of their language and religious customs. He is famous for lighting a fire on Slane Hill the night before Easter to represent the light of Christ – this against the direct commands of the pagan rulers celebrating a Spring Equinox festival.  The fire burned brightly and incited a showdown with the pagan ruler and his men, but by the power of God, Patrick preached the gospel to the whole pagan army on Easter morning.

The Irish tune Slane is named after the memory of Slane Hill where Patrick shone the light of Christ and proclaimed his death and resurrection on Easter Sunday. We often sing it with the words of the song Be Thou My Vision. It’s a wonderful hymn, and I especially love the “hidden” verse you almost never hear sung in church:
Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight
Be Thou my dignity, Be my delight!
Thou my soul’s shelter, Thou my high tower
Raise Thou me heavenward, O power of my power.
(Be Thou My Vision, English translation by Eleanor Hull)

We also have a prayer from St. Patrick which includes the following stanzas:
I bind unto myself today:
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, his shield to ward,
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name:
The strong Name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

So. If you think of all this when celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, you will see that drinking beer can be a very spiritual experience.

these have i loved

/ abby hummel / 2 Comments

I’ve rediscovered Rupert Brooke’s poem The Great Lover this weekend. No, it’s not scandalous. It’s about finding delight in the simple details of life. I read it in college and now I tend to think of the line about “the strong crust of friendly bread” when inhaling the yeasty aroma of baking bread and slicing into a loaf of fresh whole wheat.
Along with re-reading this poem, I’ve been considering the importance of contentment, choosing to be happy and joyful in the midst of the life I have right now. It’s a life with lots of house work, job work that I don’t particularly enjoy, frugality/scrimping, and I’m often very far away from people I love. At times it is easy to focus on what is “missing” from my life, like new clothes, a remodeled bathroom, babies, a master’s degree, chances to travel as much as I prefer, ministry opportunities, a housekeeper (ha). But I am so very blessed; I have much to be thankful for; and I’m so much more joyful when I focus on the delights of the life I do have.

So here is my too-short list of the small and significant delights of my heart:
warm cowls and recycled yarn to make a sweater
celebrating Aaron’s 26th birthday
letters and cards ready to be mailed
friends H and B coming for dinner tomorrow evening
summer sausage from Aaron’s big deer
gray nail polish on my toes and fingers
finding new jeans with tags on from the gap at goodwill for $5.00
singing “Be Thou My Vision” in D-flat after dinner
writing in my journal
preparing birthday gifts for Aaron, N, E,  and others
reading my new ESV Bible from JB. This makes me feel extra spiritual. It is purple, which makes me feel extra special.
being married to someone who loves guacamole and fine cheese as much as I do
learning/trying to love Lord of the Rings
humming “Morning Has Broken” as the sunrise streams into our bedroom
fresh snow on our yard
Prairie Home Companion
bananas and greek yogurt
our fireplace
friends A and J, who share good news with tact and consideration
anything and everything by gf handel
heavy blankets over me in bed
cute stickers and stamps
handwritten letters
soaking tired feet in a bathtub full of hot water
the light of the lamp in our living room
freshly wiped counters
tablecloths
finishing projects; anticipating the day I will be a finished project (he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it)

He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and merciful. …The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy. -ps 111.
Lord, cause your wondrous works to be remembered in our hearts this day. Give us grace that we might trust in your precepts and your faithful work on our behalf for salvation and sanctification. Make us great lovers – of others, of what you have given us, and of you.

The poem is such a worthwhile read: The Great Lover
This article is also wonderful, along the same line of thought, and written by a dear mentor and professor from college: The Romance of Domesticity