eager patience

Well, a month of radio silence here… I just thought you should know I have not fallen off the face of the earth nor have I had the baby and kept it a secret. I also have not experienced complete mental atrophy, since I have about 20 blog posts half-written.

party… I would probably feel like this every day even if I wasn’t pregnant, but coffee makes my feet swell three times their normal size, much like the Grinch’s heart overlooking Cindy Lou-Who at Christmas, so I can’t really do anything about it.

Caffeine issues aside, I’m not really reading anything, which is probably the biggest setback to writing efficiently. Between the responsibility of caring for energetic Max and a new baby coming any time now,  I’m not expecting to sleep much in the next several months so  this reading situation is unlikely to improve. I need to jump back on the audio book bandwagon very soon, which will at least start recalling the brain I know I have somewhere. It might even be the preventative measure that protects against committing some of the tackiest common mom-offenses: saying things in person or online (1) about bodily fluids to anyone other than the child’s father or grandmothers, and (2) claiming the “victory” of “keeping the kids alive” all day to anyone, ever, at any time.

After spending three weeks of hearing “You’ll go in to labor any day now! I mean it! You’ll have a baby before your next visit with me!” from the doctor every time I see him, I’m planning to go all Buddy-The-Elf on him if I get to the next appointment and haven’t had the baby yet.

With what seemed to be a medically-indicated earlyish arrival on the horizon for weeks, it’s been a new thing to wake up every morning and say, “If the baby is born tomorrow, what do I want to have accomplished today?” instead of working every day towards some extreme list of weekly/monthly/annual goals. This is good discipline for a planner like me, and every day is a new lesson in eager patience as we wait. And somehow at the same time, the latest possible day she could be born still seems extremely soon compared to all the waiting of the past. Part of me feels like I’ve been (emotionally) pregnant for about five years, so what’s a few more weeks compared to the past half-decade?

For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. – Romans 8:22-25


9 thoughts on “eager patience

  1. With Evelyn my doctor started saying the same thing at 35 weeks! UGH! I went into labor on my due date but felt like I was WAY overdue after all their unnecessary and cruel predictions of an early labor! Praying for you and thinking of you often! I think the last 5 weeks feel infinitely longer than the first 35 as you get into the “any day now…” phase.

    • I’m going back to my original plan of focusing on 41 weeks as the most likely delivery window — this is nuts. No one can predict it, no matter what’s happening with your body!

  2. Oh man, that constant “you won’t get to your next appointment” was awful. It was one of the reasons I scheduled an induction for kid two, and it was so nice.

    • I’ve heard so many people say they were really happy with their inductions but feel funny proclaiming it in case there are extreme natural birth vigilantes ready to pounce on them – glad it was a good solution for you! I’m fine waiting her out, but if I am so blessed as to be nine months pregnant again in the future I’ll just ask them to keep any information that might indicate an early or late arrival a secret. 🙂

  3. Haha! Love the Buddy the Elf reference. I refused all exams at the end of my pregnancy precisely because I didn’t want to get my hopes up or have the doctors tell me it would be soon and then have it not turn out that way. 🙂 In fact, the only one I had was 35 weeks when they did the GBS swab test, and then if I had reached 40 weeks, I would’ve had one at that appointment….but I didn’t get that far.

  4. That passage from Romans was near & dear to me during my last few weeks with Linus! It is so interesting that you can wait “with perseverance,” which is different than passive waiting (though no more measurable/”productive”/etc). It’s almost like you can lean into, or cooperate with, the waiting. (I remember, too, that I thought about this during L’s birth, and found that I could lean into or cooperate with the pain — and in doing so, experience a kind of “dying” — and then renewal).

    I DO have pregnancy stupidity, which makes me very agitated, but as I looked back at my journalling in summer 2012 on this Romans passage, I had to laugh to see that not much has changed — I was beating myself up then, too, about not being about to write and getting obsessed with knitting instead. 🙂

    • I love that you were reading that passage, too. So interesting that labor is always related to the apocalypse in scripture. It is most hilarious that you got obsessed with knitting. I’m past the knitting obsession — I can’t even focus on that right now. Rough days in the brain department here!

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